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13.01.04 - 11.26Just keep makin' up the rules, Monkey Boy
More "playoffs" - only a handfull of teams are playing for the coveted league chamption T-shirts, but everyone is in bracket play, to determine who they play the next couple weeks. Even if you're not in contention for the T-Shirts, it's a playoff of sorts, so intensity level is higher; the only downside is that my ability to run is lower, as I'm still recovering from that nasty cold last week. In the indoor game, it's not needed as much, as you're never more than 30 yards from play - and good positioning can insure that you're within 10 with a minimum of sprinting (I prefer to be more active, but reality dictates that my being lucid is more important).
The Hell team finally showed up! Missing-in-action for three games (although apparently the office knew about it, as there were issues during the holidays), they were back, and I was reffing them. Actually, this was by my own choice: there are two refs in this league, and dealing with refs you don't like is part of life; other teams deal with their demons, this team has to deal with me (besides, I gave them several weeks to cool down).
First half, they keep their happy hats on, and just play. They're playing a team that has some good players, but is having a very poor session - I don't know if they're missing key players this winter or what, but they've been a lot better in the past, but this winter, they've only won a single game. They're up 1-0 at half, and they're little going on. Second half, the problem players show up - literally, they weren't around in the first half, and things get heated again. First, a yellow card for dissent; "You think I'm going to let you go off again? I don't think so."
So now the whining and whinging begins in earnest: They can't shoulder charge me (says who?)! They can't obstruct me (they just passed the ball, and the attacker ran straight into the defender - that's not obstruction, that's you running into him.)! Wah wah wah!
Second yellow comes after the player I sent off last time takes a mighty whack at a defender who just took possession of the ball. No chance at ball, I was tempted to send him off again because it was totally unnecessary. Out comes the goalkeeper fourty yards to complain - he gets booked, too.
How the goalkeeper shows the effects of LSD usage:
A few minutes later, Pink (yup, that's the "other" team's color) trips up, but does not trip a member of the Hell Team - and it was a play for the ball that was just short. Keeper complains that it's "the same foul." Oh, yeah, riiiiight. I have to admit, I was saying in my head, "Just a little bit! Just a little bit more!!. I want to red card you with a great big smile on my face!". This was followed by the keeper trying to make up rules for the penalty kicks that we had to go through; PKs can be frustrating if they're not followed correctly - they're the only free kicks that are a mandated cerimonial restart (kickoffs are not free kicks, if you're being technical, which I am); it absolutely MUST take place after the whistle, no if's an's or butt's. But this is a rec league, and some people just don't understand - not a critisism, it just is; and a woman took the kick early and it was saved. Guess what, it ain't a valid kick - no no no. Sayeth the Druggie Keeper (who's quickly starting to look and act like Steve Ballmer, aka The Monkey Boy), "They can't re-take the kick!" followed by what would have been deadly seriousness, if he wasn't already in hysterics, (it sounded more like William Shatner's rendition of Mr. Tambourine Man) "Its! In! The! Rules!" I have no idea how I kept a straight face then - but I can't now: Baaahahahahahahahaha! Oh, man, this guy's idiocy is just amazing!
Adding to the humor, the captains for both teams that followed that game both remarked about how much they whined and carried on, and when their team name was mentioned, one of them went, "Oh, yeah them." They've picked up a reputation.
Unfortuantely, they did fall just short of picking up the red card. So in a unbridled display of referee sickness (shared by the coordinator and other referee, who both agree), I'm getting them again for their next game. 
Second game was a playoff game, and it looked to be a blowout; Blue was down 2-0 and their keeper went out after popping his knee taking a goal kick. Replacement keeper gave up another in the final five minutes and they were down 3-0 to White. White has a very predictable attacking style: get the ball to #11. That's is - that's all they do, and he bobs and weaves around and find ways to get point-blank shots and Blue was just unable to deal with him in the first half. Second half, they switch keepers again (a woman who was much better), and began double-teaming White's #11 with their two best players. They open with a goal, making it 3-1. White #11 is tapped the ball at kick-off and goes directly down the middle of the field and punches the ball in to make it 4-1. Now the double-teaming begins in earnest, and white's attack is flat shut down; what's more, now that they have possession, they start pellting away at a disorganized White defense (that doesn't seem to know what to do, since they can't get anything to #11 anymore). 4-2. 4-3. 4-4. Intensity level for Blue has changed from, "We're dead, let's have fun," to "let's win it!" and is absolutely frenetic. White's intensity level has also increased - keeper is screaming at his players to get organized, get people to stay back defensively, and not give up the game. Blue now goes up 4-5, and tensions are high as both teams, while not highly skilled, ARE highly wired, and every foul and possession are critical. #11 takes a tough foul about 15 yards from the goal (not a PK in indoor - it's outside of the penalty area), and just drills it to tie the game at five; a few minutes later he commits a retaliatory foul (wasn't scoring enough???) and I book him. We have less than two minutes left, and #11 is fouled again by Blue (and Blue is booked) on the left side of the goal, just outside the PA and two yards from the goal line... and he starts mouthing off. I step in, "Hey, he's been booked, and you have a yellow card. Wouldn't it suck to have to sit out the last few minutes when you could have won it?" And he did win it - White won 6-5, and of those six goals, he scored five of them. Yeah, getting fouled sucks, but when you're THAT important to the team, you can't risk doing stupid things.
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