Rant #2: When did you first learn that coaches were evil?
There is an animosity between referees and coaches, and I think there's a time in every long-term referee (at least that I've noticed) where you stop trusting coaches - some you may learn to respect, and maybe even trust (although never to the end where you change a call based on the coach's sayso - that's your job - full stop), but there's a point where you decide it's too dangerous to trust them; that even if they act nice, they could very well be trying to "game" you. My first bad experience with a coach was early - my first outdoor game, in fact. I had done some indoor games without a whole lot of incidents, and was assigned for several centers (not having reffed any outdoor games, I wouldn't have known better to ask for an AR or several). The tournament was billed as a "warm-up" tourament - a chance for teams to get used to being outdoors again have some light competition; one would think (and it still makes sense to me, although it's apparently not the case in the minds of everyone else) that the same would apply to referees; we have kinks we need to work out, too. But you see, I forgot that coaches need to get their kinks out too, that they have to figure out just the right way to get their mouths into a foaming white rage. I thought their job was to help the kids who were playing together for the first time that year - silly me!The first game's coach was just a fat pile of verbal insanity. He screamed at me the whole game and I threatned to kick him out. That shut him up, until after the game. Welcome to the world of reffing, indeed!
The next couple of games went well - these were shortened games, and while the "tourament" was over a weekend, any particular age group only played on one day, with only the top two teams per group playing a "champship game" - which was also my first experience in penalty kicks (this shows you how new I was - I didn't even know that a good referee doesn't let games go into overtime ;) ). But while I was still doing centers, I got a pair of relief ARs, one of which had less experience than I, was probably 12 or 13, and clearly unsure about what he was doing. He was trying to stay with the second-to-last defender, and crossing over the center line into the other half - basically, right idea, but missing the details about propper positioning.
Good Coach: Son, there's no offside past the center line [ this is not entirely true, but remember, we need to work on the very basics, here]. I don't want to make calls for you, but can I make a suggestion on your positioning so you can make better ones, for or against me? [And, should that fair, have a discrete word with me when I jog near his side, or at halftime.]
What the coach really said: Hey Ref! Get your linesman to do his job properly! My god, look at his position! He can't do that! Hey! Hey!!
That put me in a tenous position: yes, the coach is right about his position, but his attitude has made him absolutely terrified to do his job - to go talk to the AR is just going to validate the coach, both in the mindset of the kid ("The coach thinks I suck, and now the Center agrees with him!" - or worse yet, get defensive and develop a "Fuck you all" attitude), and the coach (who I quickly sized up would continue to take advantage of the kid). What I wanted to do was talk to him at halftime, and in the meantime do what I could to validate him, and drop back to help make any calls his missed. One of the things that is drilled into you, when you before a referee, is that you are a TEAM - you work together, and in this case, I still had three more games to work with this kid; coaches know you can't talk to the other coach about how much xyz player sucks, and how he needs to learn to play his position - but like so many things, that doesn't apply to refs - even when they're kids.
Also, keep in mind that this was my first day reffing, too - I'm wasn't exactly a fountain of experience and wisdom, either (not to say I am now, but I've certainly learned a lot in three years). There are things I would do now that I didn't have the knowledge (or even the confidence in myself) to do now - which would have included a discrete word about how I don't give a tinker's cuss about what the coach thinks, and that the AR is my reponsibility, and I don't want to hear a word from him, even if he's lying down asleep on the touchline. Of course, likewise, I have the respect of my assignor now, and could get away with it if the coach complained - I'm not sure if I could then. I'm also a lot better at getting words in to my ARs, usually at a later time, delaying a stoppage, so it looks like I'm giving tactical info to the AR - but that never even entered my mind as an option until the following year.
I told the coach (probably too diplomatically), to be quiet, and I'd talk to the AR at half. He was quiet, but yelled a few more times during the half. I talked to him at halftime about what I needed from him as an AR, and we argued a bit about stopping at the halfway line (all the abuse had indeed put him into Fuck You All Mode), and he did get better over the course of the next 2 1/2 games. But I've worked extensively with that club ever since, and I've never seen that kid again.
Congratulations, Coach. I think you single-handedly ended a referees career before he even had one game under his belt. I hope you really enjoyed verbally abusing a little kid.