Week of the Living Wingnuts
Something is most definitely in the water this week, because I've got people in both of my jobs going nuts over stupid things. With the job, it's not just stupid things, but things that are absolutely impossible to put one-and-one together to make a duce; but they rant rave, and insist, and I charge them $150 an hour for it (it's actually not as good as it seems, because I end up having to neglect my other clients just to placate these bozos). I was asked by my assignor to help out on a game today; it was right before my schedule game, the next field over from my scheduled game, and I was the closest to the field. I've heard it's really bad manners (and signs of a terminal ego problem) to turn down games because they're "beneath" you; and I figured, hey, a U9 would be fun, especially after the last game.
Unfortunately, for me, there were major similarities. Fortunately, it involved a parent, not the coaches - and even the coaches were on my side. How can you screw up this game? The kids don't know, let alone are cynical enough, to foul - I think there were a pair where a kid's eyes were so focused on where they were going that they didn't realize they just plowed over their opponent. If there's any such thing as a milk run for an adult referee, this is it. In this case, the antagonist was a rather large male, either a father or grandfather, who fancied himself a coach rather than a spectator. He was loud, obnoxious, condescending to his own parents, and thought he could be an AR while in a lawn chair Can you just see my eyes rolling, even though the text? I thought so.
So in the second half , he wanted a corner kick because he thought the goalkeeper touch the ball - he didn't - he pulled up and didn't come within two feet of touching the ball.
"Jesus! What kind of call are you making?" The refs for my second game heard him 150 yards away. Now before I go further, let me just say that while coaches can get under my skin, parents just amuse me - they could say the exact same things, and I'll have totally different reactions to it; I think that's because I hold coaches to a higher standard (I'd love to see a study that shows the decline of behavior at soccer linked to the inclusion of coaches to the field, because I bet it's true), even if they fail repeatedly. Fans, especially American fans, are just ignorant of the game, and just make for good entertainment.
However, he was swearing loudly in the presence is eight-year-olds, and I can't ignore that. So I turn, say, "Hey, I'm a little closer to the play than you, let's cut down on the language" - I'm trying to assert my authority, and be diplomatic at the same time, but it didn't work. He picked up his lawn chair, threw it, thankfully, straight down onto the ground, then stormed off to the parking lot, hooting and hollering the whole time.
Then the really funny bit: He comes back onto the field, wearing a different shirt as if he's trying to sneak back in, so he could complain to the coach of his team! OK, like I threw him out, and like anyone with the build and weight of a giant pumpkin" could sneak anywhere! OK, can you now see me trying to hold back the giggles? You're good!
I chatted with that coach for a few minutes (it was all I had, as I had to literally run to the next game), and she didn't understand either. It was their first game, she didn't know him, and she said that she appreciated my actions, because most of the time they get kids only a few years older doing these games. I asked if, since I'd only done two of these in five years, if I missed stuff, if I had misjudged how tight I should call the game, or whatever, and the answer was no, I hadn't. It turns out that he's merely your stereotypical Ugly American, yelling, screaming, frothing at the mouth about a game he's never played or even watched - someone who thinks he can do what others need run for, even though if you painted him a single color, he'd look just like a gum drop on a chair.
The 15 boys game, which I was scheduled to AR, was a more difficult game, but very one sided. How one sided? For the majority of the second half, the goalkeeper hung out inside the center circle. The other team's defense was just too winded after the first twenty minutes to put up any kind of fight, even if they wanted to.
Hopefully the rest of this week will even out a bit.